most difficult breakup was definitely with brandon.
that was a doozy. we were on and off from late 2004 to sometime in 2009. when we started, it was cute. we were 18 and 19, respectively. i got pregnant in march 2005 (fast, lol), but miscarried a couple months afterward.
we broke up because of the distance (i moved back home winter 2004/spring 2005 semester because of an injury), and i didn't tell him about the pregnancy or miscarriage. we still remained friends, but would "benefit" each other occasionally.
late 2005, we began hanging out again as friends, when i returned to VCU. nothing special, but i also
in 2006, i wasn't doing much of anything other than work and school closer to home, but i returned to VCU (again) in the spring of 2007. and of course, we began talking/seeing each other again. this time, without sex.
this is where the story gets stupid. we went out a couple times in early 2007, but i found out (later, of course) that he was still dealing with another girl, sexually. it wouldn't have bothered me at that point because we weren't active...
but, i went to spain in september 2007. and the entire time i was there, brandon was telling me how much he missed me, how much he wanted to try again when i got back to the states, how different he'd be, etc.
i got back to the states in december 2009. felt great, looked even better. we started to talk a little more, but i wasn't willing to commit without a good conversation. in january 2008, i went to a friend's birthday party in woodbridge. i knew i would know about 80% of the people there, and i was excited to go have a good time & drink wine. told brandon about it, he was "apprehensive". he said he was worried because he didn't know who would be there, or if other dudes would be in my face. so i said "why don't you drive up here and go with me?" i KNEW he would not do it. he said, "that's a hike from richmond just for a couple hours." i said "okay then. that should let you know we're cool, and you have nothing to worry about." he still felt some type of way. to the point where, for the entire length of the party, he called and texted. i left my phone in my car (i knew this would happen), and when i returned, noticed that i'd had about 10 missed calls and 20+ missed text messages.
obnoxious.
so i called him when i left the party, after 1 am. he was asleep, so the call woke him up. good. he asked if i was okay, i told him i was, but that i should be more concerned about him with all the missed calls & texts. he was like "well i told you i didn't want you to go." to which i replied "and i told you that wasn't your decision to make, nor was it an option." i told him i didn't feel like talking while driving home, so we'd catch up the next day.
winter break was over, i returned to richmond about a week later (after the party) to move into an apartment off campus. a few days after moving in, brandon wanted to hang out. we made plans for a particular night, but he was taking forever. i ended up going to a friend's house and having him meet me there whenever he was ready - i wasn't prepared to waste a perfectly good night.
so he finally comes to get me, we go back to his house and hang out a bit, and then ended up having sex. this is where it gets bad.
we talk consistently for about a week, and then i stop hearing from him. i tried calling, texting, e-mailing, etc. no response.
i figure hey, this is normal brandon fashion, whatever. but then i look on facebook and see pictures of a baby. i ask who's baby is this? no direct reply, but a whole bunch of people are congratulating him. i thought maybe one of his siblings had a baby and he was an uncle. i inbox him and say "hey, posting pics, but you can't reply to a text or call me real quick?" he says he doesn't have anything to discuss. i asked who's baby it was, he said i wouldn't understand. i said "no, is it your baby or someone else's; that's all i'm asking." he said it was his.
of course, i go ham. instead of him being direct, i had to get this information from facebook. we argue back & forth a little...and then he stung me: you're just mad because you're on the outside looking in. i have to do this for my family.
i ended the conversation and drove to his job, looking for his car - not him. i had a bat, a brick, and a swiss army knife, ready to tear that car up...but i couldn't find the car.
i was livid. i drove to a family friend's bar in the northside and drank for a few hours, talked to family about it...didn't really cry about it then. but i got home and cried like a baby.
about a week later, i went to the bar again for drinks before class (gangster; ask about me, lol). met a guy named donnell. he was a good rebound, but not for sex...just for attention. he was someone who was very consumed with me, to the point where he always wanted to know where i was, who i was with, what i was doing, etc. he got me whatever i asked for. he paid for everything. i stayed at his house when i didn't feel like staying at home. and then, that got old, as i got myself together.
a year and a half later, brandon sends me a facebook message. wasn't expecting it...but he asked if we could get together sometime and talk, and said he needed some help with math.
brandon's always had this effect on me, where we can pal around regardless of how jacked up everything is, and i can't stay mad at him for very long.
i replied that we could get together at cabell library (on VCU's campus). he said that was cool.
then he goes into "how have you been? it's been a long time..." i said "yeah, for a good reason, though." he says, "i think about you all the time. i've been wanting to tell you how everything went down. i always wanted to be with you, but it seemed like something was always preventing that from happening."
so he explains the timeline. when he and i started up talking about in spring 2007, he'd stopped seeing the other girl about a week before. that's why he reached out to me. a couple months later, she reached out to him and said she was pregnant. he was like "okay, get an abortion." brandon's never been an advocate for abortion, but he knew that it would ruin his chances of us getting back together if she had the baby. plus, their relationship wasn't what you would call "serious" or "substantial". so she was like okay. he offered to pay for half, she said cool. they didn't speak again until november 2007, when i was already in spain, and she said she couldn't go through with it. 5 months had elapsed, and he thought it was taken care of, but it wasn't. he was angry with her. she was 7/8 months at this point, no way to get an abortion, nothing he could do but accept it.
but...this is why he tried to hold on much tighter when i returned to the states. he wanted to explain it to me then, in person, but never got the opportunity. as a matter of fact, when i moved into my apartment in richmond, the baby was already born, and i still didn't know about it because he was waiting on paternity test results.
while i understood what he was saying, i asked him why he would pursue so hard without letting me in on that information. and then i asked why he would pursue at all. at this point, he's saying he still wants us to be together, and hopes that we can work on repairing the trust first...
instead of having him meet me at cabell library, i invite him to my place to finish talking. we talked more about his feelings while his child's mother was pregnant, what was going through his mind about me, etc.
that's when i told him about the miscarriage i had in 05. i told him how hurt i was when he said i was mad because i was on the outside looking in. technically, had the baby survived, he would've had a 2 year old at the time his daughter was born. he was hurt by the information. asked why i didn't tell him immediately - because i wasn't sure if i was going to keep it or how i would provide for it, etc - and gave me a hug, and apologized. we began to hang out more often over the summer. went out a few times as friends, i met his daughter (gorgeous and smart), it was cool.
later in 2009, i stopped hearing from him. typical. october 1, i sent him a text message: i know you're reconciling with your child's mother. it's okay. you can confirm. i'm not mad. we need to stop the back & forth anyway and just let it go.
he confirmed. and apologized. he thought i'd be mad and didn't know how to tell me. he said it was because he wanted to see his daughter everyday, and that her mother wouldn't allow him if they weren't together. i said "none of my business. be happy & healthy. take care."
it was hard to end it at that point...but i knew it wouldn't be the last time we talked...because i lent him money. worst mistake ever. he's paid me back now, but it took 3 years.
when my ex and i split last march, brandon and i became friends again. talked about making a pact to have a baby together if neither of us was married or committed by the time i was 30. he was all for it. we started talking more about reconciling, even. and then i dropped a bomb on him: i paid for a cruise with my ex, and i can't find anyone to take my place, so i'm going. he was pissed, and we haven't spoken since. i thought it was stupid, but whatever.
i can honestly say i don't have any romantic feelings for him, but if he were to contact me, i'd be cordial.
so stupid.
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