i can list a few things i'd want to touch on:
1. thank you.
2. thank God for you.
3. i love you.
the end.
don't really know word for word what i'd say...that sounds like handwritten vows more than anything.
Monday, November 25, 2013
Thursday, November 21, 2013
day twenty-nine: who is your closest or most special friend that you’ve never met (in person) and what do they mean to you? how did you cross paths? talk about how you “met” them: facebook, twitter, an online support group, etc.
closest/most special friend i've never met in person - therren.
we actually met on match.com several months ago. his initial e-mail was the BEST intro e-mail i've ever gotten, to date. he didn't ask me questions about things that were already plainly spelled out on my profile, and he didn't start with "so, what are you doing this weekend?" <--gets on my nerves. lol.
since then, we've talked just about every day, about different things...via text or on the phone. we rarely e-mail each other anymore.
he means more to me than i thought he would, mainly because i've been so emotionally detached for so long. i wasn't really paying attention to any signals he was sending that he might have some sort of 'feelings' for me, because our conversations were usually very playful and light-hearted in nature.
a couple days ago, he sent a text that simply said "meet me in the city for dinner & drinks." well, i was in a movie, and didn't get that message until a couple of hours later, and by that time it was too late for me to go home, get ready & drive into DC. so i had to tell him maybe we should just plan something...
he was frustrated. he's asked me out a few other times before, and usually i'm at work or involved in doing something else that was pre-scheduled. i think that's what put things in perspective for me...that things were a little more emotionally involved than i had previously accounted for.
after explaining how sorry i was, and also giving him a peek at how my weeks kinda fly by (my schedule), he was more understanding. i still felt bad. he's super busy, too...goes to school, works FT, and is an army vet. lots going on.
anyway, i'm hoping we meet soon. he's 6'4". lol. you know how much i like tall, dark & handsome. :)
we actually met on match.com several months ago. his initial e-mail was the BEST intro e-mail i've ever gotten, to date. he didn't ask me questions about things that were already plainly spelled out on my profile, and he didn't start with "so, what are you doing this weekend?" <--gets on my nerves. lol.
since then, we've talked just about every day, about different things...via text or on the phone. we rarely e-mail each other anymore.
he means more to me than i thought he would, mainly because i've been so emotionally detached for so long. i wasn't really paying attention to any signals he was sending that he might have some sort of 'feelings' for me, because our conversations were usually very playful and light-hearted in nature.
a couple days ago, he sent a text that simply said "meet me in the city for dinner & drinks." well, i was in a movie, and didn't get that message until a couple of hours later, and by that time it was too late for me to go home, get ready & drive into DC. so i had to tell him maybe we should just plan something...
he was frustrated. he's asked me out a few other times before, and usually i'm at work or involved in doing something else that was pre-scheduled. i think that's what put things in perspective for me...that things were a little more emotionally involved than i had previously accounted for.
after explaining how sorry i was, and also giving him a peek at how my weeks kinda fly by (my schedule), he was more understanding. i still felt bad. he's super busy, too...goes to school, works FT, and is an army vet. lots going on.
anyway, i'm hoping we meet soon. he's 6'4". lol. you know how much i like tall, dark & handsome. :)
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
day twenty-eight: describe a moment when you made a big, bold move. In any area of life: career, love, etc.
earlier this year, i decided to quit my good job because of bad management.
rewind a little...
i got put on a final warning in september. the reasons weren't quite justified, as there were several other employees doing the same things and not being reprimanded. i also provided documentation for my actions, and there was still no leniency.
in november, i attempted to give my 2 weeks notice. my manager was caught off guard, we talked, she explained she didn't want me to leave, etc. so i stayed. i owed her NOTHING and could've left that day, but i didn't.
3 months later, i was still on final warning. i decided to meet with my manager and talk about being taken off of it. she said she needed to see more consistency, not just for weeks, but for months. i told her being on final warning for 5 months was excessive and it wasn't motivating me to do any better, it was actually causing more stress. being on the chopping block is already hard, but coming to work not knowing if you're going to be fired on any given day for any reason, is even worse.
she refused to take me off of it, so i knew my days were going to be numbered. i couldn't handle the stress anymore.
monday, february 19th. i drove home and stopped for gas in annapolis. usually i stop before i get home (like, in rockville, or even somewhere random) or i run errands...but this day was different. got to annapolis & pumped a full tank of gas. and guess what? my car wouldn't start back up. i had to push the car into an empty space, and leave it there overnight at the gas station. luckily, i was in annapolis, so my mom came to help me push the car & pick me up. the next day, i was going to rent a car & go to work, but then i was like "how am i gonna keep this up?" so instead, that night, i called my manager. no answer. i contacted a coworker (her grandson's mother - oh yeah, nepotism) and asked if she'd text her and give her my personal # so i could speak to her. i contacted another coworker (her friend) and asked her to ask my manager if i could have her # to give her a quick call. neither of these women got responses. i sent an e-mail. i left a general voicemail at work, and then i left a private voicemail on her direct line.
the next day - i got NO responses all day. no replies to e-mail, no call backs, nothing. so at 5 pm, i e-mailed her my resignation letter.
it had been a long time coming, but i was done being jerked around like a puppet. i'm intelligent and i do excellent work. i knew i didn't deserve this type of treatment. and with me having to fix my car to be able to return to work, i knew that had i returned once it was fixed, she would've given me the axe.
then i would've had to cut her.
so i quit. it was a bold move for me because i'm the backup plan queen. i have never quit a job without having one lined up. however, my other backup plan is usually my savings. this time, i had money in savings, i had 401K, and i'd just gotten my tax returns. so i knew i'd be okay for at least a few months.
a week later, i started working at applebees. i have a lot of serving/bartending experience, and there's no extensive process to getting hired at a restaurant. basically, it's have experience, be cute (sometimes, lol), and be flexible. i worked there for 4 months. i had some days off. but i made enough money to pay my monthly bills and leave my savings alone, which felt amazing.
in may, i got a call from a recruiter, asking me to come in for an interview. i hadn't applied for the job, but was referred by an employee. i interviewed a few days later, and got rave reviews. the executives i interviewed with wanted to hire me the same day. they even wrote amazing remarks and pushed for me to start immediately. i wasn't supposed to hear from the recruiter for at least 2-3 business days because there were 6 other candidates who interviewed the same day i did, but i heard from the recruiter the very next morning.
:)
rewind a little...
i got put on a final warning in september. the reasons weren't quite justified, as there were several other employees doing the same things and not being reprimanded. i also provided documentation for my actions, and there was still no leniency.
in november, i attempted to give my 2 weeks notice. my manager was caught off guard, we talked, she explained she didn't want me to leave, etc. so i stayed. i owed her NOTHING and could've left that day, but i didn't.
3 months later, i was still on final warning. i decided to meet with my manager and talk about being taken off of it. she said she needed to see more consistency, not just for weeks, but for months. i told her being on final warning for 5 months was excessive and it wasn't motivating me to do any better, it was actually causing more stress. being on the chopping block is already hard, but coming to work not knowing if you're going to be fired on any given day for any reason, is even worse.
she refused to take me off of it, so i knew my days were going to be numbered. i couldn't handle the stress anymore.
monday, february 19th. i drove home and stopped for gas in annapolis. usually i stop before i get home (like, in rockville, or even somewhere random) or i run errands...but this day was different. got to annapolis & pumped a full tank of gas. and guess what? my car wouldn't start back up. i had to push the car into an empty space, and leave it there overnight at the gas station. luckily, i was in annapolis, so my mom came to help me push the car & pick me up. the next day, i was going to rent a car & go to work, but then i was like "how am i gonna keep this up?" so instead, that night, i called my manager. no answer. i contacted a coworker (her grandson's mother - oh yeah, nepotism) and asked if she'd text her and give her my personal # so i could speak to her. i contacted another coworker (her friend) and asked her to ask my manager if i could have her # to give her a quick call. neither of these women got responses. i sent an e-mail. i left a general voicemail at work, and then i left a private voicemail on her direct line.
the next day - i got NO responses all day. no replies to e-mail, no call backs, nothing. so at 5 pm, i e-mailed her my resignation letter.
it had been a long time coming, but i was done being jerked around like a puppet. i'm intelligent and i do excellent work. i knew i didn't deserve this type of treatment. and with me having to fix my car to be able to return to work, i knew that had i returned once it was fixed, she would've given me the axe.
then i would've had to cut her.
so i quit. it was a bold move for me because i'm the backup plan queen. i have never quit a job without having one lined up. however, my other backup plan is usually my savings. this time, i had money in savings, i had 401K, and i'd just gotten my tax returns. so i knew i'd be okay for at least a few months.
a week later, i started working at applebees. i have a lot of serving/bartending experience, and there's no extensive process to getting hired at a restaurant. basically, it's have experience, be cute (sometimes, lol), and be flexible. i worked there for 4 months. i had some days off. but i made enough money to pay my monthly bills and leave my savings alone, which felt amazing.
in may, i got a call from a recruiter, asking me to come in for an interview. i hadn't applied for the job, but was referred by an employee. i interviewed a few days later, and got rave reviews. the executives i interviewed with wanted to hire me the same day. they even wrote amazing remarks and pushed for me to start immediately. i wasn't supposed to hear from the recruiter for at least 2-3 business days because there were 6 other candidates who interviewed the same day i did, but i heard from the recruiter the very next morning.
:)
Monday, November 18, 2013
day twenty-seven: talk about something that you really, really, really love about yourself
physically: my eyes
they are slightly slanted, but almond shaped. i love the color, my lashes...love everything about my eyes, except that my sight is not the greatest little thing. -_-
but! more importantly, i love that i'm incredibly intelligent, i have a lot of life experience, and i'm able to give really good advice. say what you will about me, but i don't think i've ever been called stupid or dumb...unless it's in reference to my sense of humor (which is also awesome, honestly).
it's hard for me to talk about myself like this, but i really do love being smart and funny. i like that people come to me with problems and trust me enough to share with me, and believe in me enough to know i can fix them! it's pretty funny to me...logic is probably my biggest strong point, mentally. i'm really good at making sense of things. however, on the flip side, when i can't make sense of something, i do get stressed out...especially if i need it to make sense to move forward...definitely a downside to being analysis- and logic-oriented.
they are slightly slanted, but almond shaped. i love the color, my lashes...love everything about my eyes, except that my sight is not the greatest little thing. -_-
but! more importantly, i love that i'm incredibly intelligent, i have a lot of life experience, and i'm able to give really good advice. say what you will about me, but i don't think i've ever been called stupid or dumb...unless it's in reference to my sense of humor (which is also awesome, honestly).
it's hard for me to talk about myself like this, but i really do love being smart and funny. i like that people come to me with problems and trust me enough to share with me, and believe in me enough to know i can fix them! it's pretty funny to me...logic is probably my biggest strong point, mentally. i'm really good at making sense of things. however, on the flip side, when i can't make sense of something, i do get stressed out...especially if i need it to make sense to move forward...definitely a downside to being analysis- and logic-oriented.
day twenty-six: name a song that makes you cry every time you hear it and why
a song for you - donny hathaway
i love donny hathaway's voice...but this song has so much meaning to it. i can't explain...i tear up faithfully, every time i hear him sing it. other artists have covered it, but it's not the same.
free - kierra sheard
this song makes me feel like there's hope, and that's something i tend to lack on occasion. she puts so much emotion into singing it, to where she is actually crying, and i feel like if i were to sing it publicly, i'd cry. i know i do when i sing it at home (lol).
i love donny hathaway's voice...but this song has so much meaning to it. i can't explain...i tear up faithfully, every time i hear him sing it. other artists have covered it, but it's not the same.
free - kierra sheard
this song makes me feel like there's hope, and that's something i tend to lack on occasion. she puts so much emotion into singing it, to where she is actually crying, and i feel like if i were to sing it publicly, i'd cry. i know i do when i sing it at home (lol).
day twenty-five: describe a moment when you “paid it forward.” what happened and how did it feel?
it always feels awesome.
one time in particular i remember was last year around thanksgiving. there's an agency that caters to youth who don't usually get to have thanksgiving dinner, so the agency (really, a man & his two kids) puts together a big thanksgiving dinner in SE DC.
i was working in operations management and also mentoring for a small non-profit, where the girls who were members of the group were going to get community service hours by volunteering at the thanksgiving dinner.
well, the man who ran the agency wanted the girls to interact with the other kids who were there...to kind of gain perspective on life and appreciate things more. that meant that i had to end up volunteering.
i have SO many volunteer hours, it's not even funny, lol. but this time was different. there were so many kids who were just genuinely hungry and you could tell that maybe they had been wandering the streets for a few days or maybe didn't have a home to go to. it felt amazing to have donated food to this cause, and also donate my time. meeting those kids and being able to talk with them and sit & eat with them (eventually, lol), and also handing out personal cards as a reference was wonderful.
i still mentor a few people, and that feels really amazing, as well.
one time in particular i remember was last year around thanksgiving. there's an agency that caters to youth who don't usually get to have thanksgiving dinner, so the agency (really, a man & his two kids) puts together a big thanksgiving dinner in SE DC.
i was working in operations management and also mentoring for a small non-profit, where the girls who were members of the group were going to get community service hours by volunteering at the thanksgiving dinner.
well, the man who ran the agency wanted the girls to interact with the other kids who were there...to kind of gain perspective on life and appreciate things more. that meant that i had to end up volunteering.
i have SO many volunteer hours, it's not even funny, lol. but this time was different. there were so many kids who were just genuinely hungry and you could tell that maybe they had been wandering the streets for a few days or maybe didn't have a home to go to. it felt amazing to have donated food to this cause, and also donate my time. meeting those kids and being able to talk with them and sit & eat with them (eventually, lol), and also handing out personal cards as a reference was wonderful.
i still mentor a few people, and that feels really amazing, as well.
Friday, November 15, 2013
day twenty-four: if you could relive ONE day of your life, what would it be? and would you change anything?
...if i could just go back in time...i'd take state. -uncle rico (napoleon dynamite)
if i could relive any day of my life, it would be the day i conceded (yes, i merely agreed) to get into the relationship i was in with brandon. i feel like it was a really bad decision in the grand scheme of things...it caused a lot of confidence and self-worth issues moving forward. it was the catalyst for a lot of other bad decisions i also made. i would've chosen not to be with him.
i would've also decided not to be with khalif, and probably jesse too. i feel i haven't made good decisions in men...a lot of it is not having a blueprint to go off of (re: absentee father, lol)...another part is seeing potential in people, and since i like fixing things, feeling like i can "fix" the guy or help him get better.
can't help people who don't want it. can't change anyone. can't control anyone!
that's just my 2 cents.
if i could relive any day of my life, it would be the day i conceded (yes, i merely agreed) to get into the relationship i was in with brandon. i feel like it was a really bad decision in the grand scheme of things...it caused a lot of confidence and self-worth issues moving forward. it was the catalyst for a lot of other bad decisions i also made. i would've chosen not to be with him.
i would've also decided not to be with khalif, and probably jesse too. i feel i haven't made good decisions in men...a lot of it is not having a blueprint to go off of (re: absentee father, lol)...another part is seeing potential in people, and since i like fixing things, feeling like i can "fix" the guy or help him get better.
can't help people who don't want it. can't change anyone. can't control anyone!
that's just my 2 cents.
Thursday, November 14, 2013
day twenty-three: talk about a moment when you got annoyed with a married friend, a person in a relationship, or a person with kids (be honest! no judgment!)
annoyed with a married friend:
haven't experienced this, honestly. i love seeing happily married couples. :) a little more invested than someone with a boyfriend or girlfriend, a little more realistic about things (and how often they post, in most cases).
annoyed with a person in a relationship:
when i see repetitive posts on FB, bashing the person you're with, but you won't leave them! better to be alone than miserable. jesus. and i see it all the time. one FB friend in particular - that's all they post. negative things about their significant other. and they're scattered posts...they break up & get back together so often, i can't keep up.
annoyed with a person with kids:
anytime i see a person fresh to death, but their kids have peazy hair (boys) or lint balls and naps (girls), or their clothes are disheveled or dingry. it is so ridiculous to me. if you can take that amount of time to get yourself together, surely you should be getting your kid in order, too!
haven't experienced this, honestly. i love seeing happily married couples. :) a little more invested than someone with a boyfriend or girlfriend, a little more realistic about things (and how often they post, in most cases).
annoyed with a person in a relationship:
when i see repetitive posts on FB, bashing the person you're with, but you won't leave them! better to be alone than miserable. jesus. and i see it all the time. one FB friend in particular - that's all they post. negative things about their significant other. and they're scattered posts...they break up & get back together so often, i can't keep up.
annoyed with a person with kids:
anytime i see a person fresh to death, but their kids have peazy hair (boys) or lint balls and naps (girls), or their clothes are disheveled or dingry. it is so ridiculous to me. if you can take that amount of time to get yourself together, surely you should be getting your kid in order, too!
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
day twenty-two: what fictional character in a movie, tv show, or book do you identify with and why?
lol funny how this is today's post...
yesterday i was saying how gabrielle union's character on being mary jane reminds me of myself. granted, i don't drive a porsche or have thee sickest house, but yes! everything else, very similar.
i'm independent, i love my career (though there are some growing pains associated with my position)...but my social life is lacking. i usually find myself entertaining men who are, in some form, unavailable. not necessarily married (but this has happened, unfortunately), but not ready to be in a relationship/wants to play the field. i have met a couple of guys who say they want to be in a relationship with me, but obviously weren't prepared to have to meet an expectation. which kind of blows me.
so then, i internalize. maybe it's me, right?
yesterday i was saying how gabrielle union's character on being mary jane reminds me of myself. granted, i don't drive a porsche or have thee sickest house, but yes! everything else, very similar.
i'm independent, i love my career (though there are some growing pains associated with my position)...but my social life is lacking. i usually find myself entertaining men who are, in some form, unavailable. not necessarily married (but this has happened, unfortunately), but not ready to be in a relationship/wants to play the field. i have met a couple of guys who say they want to be in a relationship with me, but obviously weren't prepared to have to meet an expectation. which kind of blows me.
so then, i internalize. maybe it's me, right?
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
day twenty-one: how would you pitch a reality show about yourself? to what network?
hmmm...
and i've thought about this before...you know, needing my own reality show.
honestly, i think mara brock akil took "being mary jane" from a few chapters in my life. i related to the mini movie so much and i can't wait for the show to start...
...but i digress.
i'd probably talk about the "outside looking in" successes that people see and comment on, everyday. then i'd go further into the struggles i've had, and how they've shaped who/what i am today. then i'd tell a few jokes and have the board crying laughing.
then they'd say "where have you been all our lives! yes, we want to film you!"
in a perfect world.
and i'd also film on VH1 or bravo. LOVE their reality shows.
and i've thought about this before...you know, needing my own reality show.
honestly, i think mara brock akil took "being mary jane" from a few chapters in my life. i related to the mini movie so much and i can't wait for the show to start...
...but i digress.
i'd probably talk about the "outside looking in" successes that people see and comment on, everyday. then i'd go further into the struggles i've had, and how they've shaped who/what i am today. then i'd tell a few jokes and have the board crying laughing.
then they'd say "where have you been all our lives! yes, we want to film you!"
in a perfect world.
and i'd also film on VH1 or bravo. LOVE their reality shows.
Monday, November 11, 2013
day twenty: describe your most difficult breakup and what you learned from it
most difficult breakup was definitely with brandon.
that was a doozy. we were on and off from late 2004 to sometime in 2009. when we started, it was cute. we were 18 and 19, respectively. i got pregnant in march 2005 (fast, lol), but miscarried a couple months afterward.
we broke up because of the distance (i moved back home winter 2004/spring 2005 semester because of an injury), and i didn't tell him about the pregnancy or miscarriage. we still remained friends, but would "benefit" each other occasionally.
late 2005, we began hanging out again as friends, when i returned to VCU. nothing special, but i also
in 2006, i wasn't doing much of anything other than work and school closer to home, but i returned to VCU (again) in the spring of 2007. and of course, we began talking/seeing each other again. this time, without sex.
this is where the story gets stupid. we went out a couple times in early 2007, but i found out (later, of course) that he was still dealing with another girl, sexually. it wouldn't have bothered me at that point because we weren't active...
but, i went to spain in september 2007. and the entire time i was there, brandon was telling me how much he missed me, how much he wanted to try again when i got back to the states, how different he'd be, etc.
i got back to the states in december 2009. felt great, looked even better. we started to talk a little more, but i wasn't willing to commit without a good conversation. in january 2008, i went to a friend's birthday party in woodbridge. i knew i would know about 80% of the people there, and i was excited to go have a good time & drink wine. told brandon about it, he was "apprehensive". he said he was worried because he didn't know who would be there, or if other dudes would be in my face. so i said "why don't you drive up here and go with me?" i KNEW he would not do it. he said, "that's a hike from richmond just for a couple hours." i said "okay then. that should let you know we're cool, and you have nothing to worry about." he still felt some type of way. to the point where, for the entire length of the party, he called and texted. i left my phone in my car (i knew this would happen), and when i returned, noticed that i'd had about 10 missed calls and 20+ missed text messages.
obnoxious.
so i called him when i left the party, after 1 am. he was asleep, so the call woke him up. good. he asked if i was okay, i told him i was, but that i should be more concerned about him with all the missed calls & texts. he was like "well i told you i didn't want you to go." to which i replied "and i told you that wasn't your decision to make, nor was it an option." i told him i didn't feel like talking while driving home, so we'd catch up the next day.
winter break was over, i returned to richmond about a week later (after the party) to move into an apartment off campus. a few days after moving in, brandon wanted to hang out. we made plans for a particular night, but he was taking forever. i ended up going to a friend's house and having him meet me there whenever he was ready - i wasn't prepared to waste a perfectly good night.
so he finally comes to get me, we go back to his house and hang out a bit, and then ended up having sex. this is where it gets bad.
we talk consistently for about a week, and then i stop hearing from him. i tried calling, texting, e-mailing, etc. no response.
i figure hey, this is normal brandon fashion, whatever. but then i look on facebook and see pictures of a baby. i ask who's baby is this? no direct reply, but a whole bunch of people are congratulating him. i thought maybe one of his siblings had a baby and he was an uncle. i inbox him and say "hey, posting pics, but you can't reply to a text or call me real quick?" he says he doesn't have anything to discuss. i asked who's baby it was, he said i wouldn't understand. i said "no, is it your baby or someone else's; that's all i'm asking." he said it was his.
of course, i go ham. instead of him being direct, i had to get this information from facebook. we argue back & forth a little...and then he stung me: you're just mad because you're on the outside looking in. i have to do this for my family.
i ended the conversation and drove to his job, looking for his car - not him. i had a bat, a brick, and a swiss army knife, ready to tear that car up...but i couldn't find the car.
i was livid. i drove to a family friend's bar in the northside and drank for a few hours, talked to family about it...didn't really cry about it then. but i got home and cried like a baby.
about a week later, i went to the bar again for drinks before class (gangster; ask about me, lol). met a guy named donnell. he was a good rebound, but not for sex...just for attention. he was someone who was very consumed with me, to the point where he always wanted to know where i was, who i was with, what i was doing, etc. he got me whatever i asked for. he paid for everything. i stayed at his house when i didn't feel like staying at home. and then, that got old, as i got myself together.
a year and a half later, brandon sends me a facebook message. wasn't expecting it...but he asked if we could get together sometime and talk, and said he needed some help with math.
brandon's always had this effect on me, where we can pal around regardless of how jacked up everything is, and i can't stay mad at him for very long.
i replied that we could get together at cabell library (on VCU's campus). he said that was cool.
then he goes into "how have you been? it's been a long time..." i said "yeah, for a good reason, though." he says, "i think about you all the time. i've been wanting to tell you how everything went down. i always wanted to be with you, but it seemed like something was always preventing that from happening."
so he explains the timeline. when he and i started up talking about in spring 2007, he'd stopped seeing the other girl about a week before. that's why he reached out to me. a couple months later, she reached out to him and said she was pregnant. he was like "okay, get an abortion." brandon's never been an advocate for abortion, but he knew that it would ruin his chances of us getting back together if she had the baby. plus, their relationship wasn't what you would call "serious" or "substantial". so she was like okay. he offered to pay for half, she said cool. they didn't speak again until november 2007, when i was already in spain, and she said she couldn't go through with it. 5 months had elapsed, and he thought it was taken care of, but it wasn't. he was angry with her. she was 7/8 months at this point, no way to get an abortion, nothing he could do but accept it.
but...this is why he tried to hold on much tighter when i returned to the states. he wanted to explain it to me then, in person, but never got the opportunity. as a matter of fact, when i moved into my apartment in richmond, the baby was already born, and i still didn't know about it because he was waiting on paternity test results.
while i understood what he was saying, i asked him why he would pursue so hard without letting me in on that information. and then i asked why he would pursue at all. at this point, he's saying he still wants us to be together, and hopes that we can work on repairing the trust first...
instead of having him meet me at cabell library, i invite him to my place to finish talking. we talked more about his feelings while his child's mother was pregnant, what was going through his mind about me, etc.
that's when i told him about the miscarriage i had in 05. i told him how hurt i was when he said i was mad because i was on the outside looking in. technically, had the baby survived, he would've had a 2 year old at the time his daughter was born. he was hurt by the information. asked why i didn't tell him immediately - because i wasn't sure if i was going to keep it or how i would provide for it, etc - and gave me a hug, and apologized. we began to hang out more often over the summer. went out a few times as friends, i met his daughter (gorgeous and smart), it was cool.
later in 2009, i stopped hearing from him. typical. october 1, i sent him a text message: i know you're reconciling with your child's mother. it's okay. you can confirm. i'm not mad. we need to stop the back & forth anyway and just let it go.
he confirmed. and apologized. he thought i'd be mad and didn't know how to tell me. he said it was because he wanted to see his daughter everyday, and that her mother wouldn't allow him if they weren't together. i said "none of my business. be happy & healthy. take care."
it was hard to end it at that point...but i knew it wouldn't be the last time we talked...because i lent him money. worst mistake ever. he's paid me back now, but it took 3 years.
when my ex and i split last march, brandon and i became friends again. talked about making a pact to have a baby together if neither of us was married or committed by the time i was 30. he was all for it. we started talking more about reconciling, even. and then i dropped a bomb on him: i paid for a cruise with my ex, and i can't find anyone to take my place, so i'm going. he was pissed, and we haven't spoken since. i thought it was stupid, but whatever.
i can honestly say i don't have any romantic feelings for him, but if he were to contact me, i'd be cordial.
so stupid.
that was a doozy. we were on and off from late 2004 to sometime in 2009. when we started, it was cute. we were 18 and 19, respectively. i got pregnant in march 2005 (fast, lol), but miscarried a couple months afterward.
we broke up because of the distance (i moved back home winter 2004/spring 2005 semester because of an injury), and i didn't tell him about the pregnancy or miscarriage. we still remained friends, but would "benefit" each other occasionally.
late 2005, we began hanging out again as friends, when i returned to VCU. nothing special, but i also
in 2006, i wasn't doing much of anything other than work and school closer to home, but i returned to VCU (again) in the spring of 2007. and of course, we began talking/seeing each other again. this time, without sex.
this is where the story gets stupid. we went out a couple times in early 2007, but i found out (later, of course) that he was still dealing with another girl, sexually. it wouldn't have bothered me at that point because we weren't active...
but, i went to spain in september 2007. and the entire time i was there, brandon was telling me how much he missed me, how much he wanted to try again when i got back to the states, how different he'd be, etc.
i got back to the states in december 2009. felt great, looked even better. we started to talk a little more, but i wasn't willing to commit without a good conversation. in january 2008, i went to a friend's birthday party in woodbridge. i knew i would know about 80% of the people there, and i was excited to go have a good time & drink wine. told brandon about it, he was "apprehensive". he said he was worried because he didn't know who would be there, or if other dudes would be in my face. so i said "why don't you drive up here and go with me?" i KNEW he would not do it. he said, "that's a hike from richmond just for a couple hours." i said "okay then. that should let you know we're cool, and you have nothing to worry about." he still felt some type of way. to the point where, for the entire length of the party, he called and texted. i left my phone in my car (i knew this would happen), and when i returned, noticed that i'd had about 10 missed calls and 20+ missed text messages.
obnoxious.
so i called him when i left the party, after 1 am. he was asleep, so the call woke him up. good. he asked if i was okay, i told him i was, but that i should be more concerned about him with all the missed calls & texts. he was like "well i told you i didn't want you to go." to which i replied "and i told you that wasn't your decision to make, nor was it an option." i told him i didn't feel like talking while driving home, so we'd catch up the next day.
winter break was over, i returned to richmond about a week later (after the party) to move into an apartment off campus. a few days after moving in, brandon wanted to hang out. we made plans for a particular night, but he was taking forever. i ended up going to a friend's house and having him meet me there whenever he was ready - i wasn't prepared to waste a perfectly good night.
so he finally comes to get me, we go back to his house and hang out a bit, and then ended up having sex. this is where it gets bad.
we talk consistently for about a week, and then i stop hearing from him. i tried calling, texting, e-mailing, etc. no response.
i figure hey, this is normal brandon fashion, whatever. but then i look on facebook and see pictures of a baby. i ask who's baby is this? no direct reply, but a whole bunch of people are congratulating him. i thought maybe one of his siblings had a baby and he was an uncle. i inbox him and say "hey, posting pics, but you can't reply to a text or call me real quick?" he says he doesn't have anything to discuss. i asked who's baby it was, he said i wouldn't understand. i said "no, is it your baby or someone else's; that's all i'm asking." he said it was his.
of course, i go ham. instead of him being direct, i had to get this information from facebook. we argue back & forth a little...and then he stung me: you're just mad because you're on the outside looking in. i have to do this for my family.
i ended the conversation and drove to his job, looking for his car - not him. i had a bat, a brick, and a swiss army knife, ready to tear that car up...but i couldn't find the car.
i was livid. i drove to a family friend's bar in the northside and drank for a few hours, talked to family about it...didn't really cry about it then. but i got home and cried like a baby.
about a week later, i went to the bar again for drinks before class (gangster; ask about me, lol). met a guy named donnell. he was a good rebound, but not for sex...just for attention. he was someone who was very consumed with me, to the point where he always wanted to know where i was, who i was with, what i was doing, etc. he got me whatever i asked for. he paid for everything. i stayed at his house when i didn't feel like staying at home. and then, that got old, as i got myself together.
a year and a half later, brandon sends me a facebook message. wasn't expecting it...but he asked if we could get together sometime and talk, and said he needed some help with math.
brandon's always had this effect on me, where we can pal around regardless of how jacked up everything is, and i can't stay mad at him for very long.
i replied that we could get together at cabell library (on VCU's campus). he said that was cool.
then he goes into "how have you been? it's been a long time..." i said "yeah, for a good reason, though." he says, "i think about you all the time. i've been wanting to tell you how everything went down. i always wanted to be with you, but it seemed like something was always preventing that from happening."
so he explains the timeline. when he and i started up talking about in spring 2007, he'd stopped seeing the other girl about a week before. that's why he reached out to me. a couple months later, she reached out to him and said she was pregnant. he was like "okay, get an abortion." brandon's never been an advocate for abortion, but he knew that it would ruin his chances of us getting back together if she had the baby. plus, their relationship wasn't what you would call "serious" or "substantial". so she was like okay. he offered to pay for half, she said cool. they didn't speak again until november 2007, when i was already in spain, and she said she couldn't go through with it. 5 months had elapsed, and he thought it was taken care of, but it wasn't. he was angry with her. she was 7/8 months at this point, no way to get an abortion, nothing he could do but accept it.
but...this is why he tried to hold on much tighter when i returned to the states. he wanted to explain it to me then, in person, but never got the opportunity. as a matter of fact, when i moved into my apartment in richmond, the baby was already born, and i still didn't know about it because he was waiting on paternity test results.
while i understood what he was saying, i asked him why he would pursue so hard without letting me in on that information. and then i asked why he would pursue at all. at this point, he's saying he still wants us to be together, and hopes that we can work on repairing the trust first...
instead of having him meet me at cabell library, i invite him to my place to finish talking. we talked more about his feelings while his child's mother was pregnant, what was going through his mind about me, etc.
that's when i told him about the miscarriage i had in 05. i told him how hurt i was when he said i was mad because i was on the outside looking in. technically, had the baby survived, he would've had a 2 year old at the time his daughter was born. he was hurt by the information. asked why i didn't tell him immediately - because i wasn't sure if i was going to keep it or how i would provide for it, etc - and gave me a hug, and apologized. we began to hang out more often over the summer. went out a few times as friends, i met his daughter (gorgeous and smart), it was cool.
later in 2009, i stopped hearing from him. typical. october 1, i sent him a text message: i know you're reconciling with your child's mother. it's okay. you can confirm. i'm not mad. we need to stop the back & forth anyway and just let it go.
he confirmed. and apologized. he thought i'd be mad and didn't know how to tell me. he said it was because he wanted to see his daughter everyday, and that her mother wouldn't allow him if they weren't together. i said "none of my business. be happy & healthy. take care."
it was hard to end it at that point...but i knew it wouldn't be the last time we talked...because i lent him money. worst mistake ever. he's paid me back now, but it took 3 years.
when my ex and i split last march, brandon and i became friends again. talked about making a pact to have a baby together if neither of us was married or committed by the time i was 30. he was all for it. we started talking more about reconciling, even. and then i dropped a bomb on him: i paid for a cruise with my ex, and i can't find anyone to take my place, so i'm going. he was pissed, and we haven't spoken since. i thought it was stupid, but whatever.
i can honestly say i don't have any romantic feelings for him, but if he were to contact me, i'd be cordial.
so stupid.
Sunday, November 10, 2013
day nineteen: what is something about you that people would be surprised to learn?
i think i've been pretty much an open book...
...but i don't think i've shared this with many. i think people would be surprised to learn that i didn't really get into singing until i was about 18 or 19. i played drums the majority of my childhood, sang in the choir/praise team sometimes. my main focus growing up was basketball. it's what i loved to do, and it's what i spent most of my time doing.
when i started to get into singing, i met a lot of cool people, got offers to sing background vocals for a few artists, traveled a little locally. i want to get into it more, but i'm looking for the best possible outlet to it. i don't want to throw myself into the mix without the right "tools," so to speak. i only did a little vocal coaching when i was 15, and my voice has changed drastically since childhood (obviously)...for one, it's got more rasp. second, i'm not a full soprano like i was at that age. i'm definitely more of a contralto than anything else. i can hit some high notes, but i can't stay up there too long. i like to be able to color the songs i sing, so having the flexibility to go up or down really does help.
i love the technical aspect of singing. the correct breathing and form, tuning your ear, listening to different instruments and their chords to try to apply their riffs to your own vocality. i love all of it. i listen to a lot of music with bass riffs and acoustic guitar accompaniment...organ chords are awesome, too.
so yeah. i was a late bloomer with music. i've always loved a good heel (been wearing heels since i was young - CHURCH, lol), but was usually running outside or at basketball practice for my early years. :)
...but i don't think i've shared this with many. i think people would be surprised to learn that i didn't really get into singing until i was about 18 or 19. i played drums the majority of my childhood, sang in the choir/praise team sometimes. my main focus growing up was basketball. it's what i loved to do, and it's what i spent most of my time doing.
when i started to get into singing, i met a lot of cool people, got offers to sing background vocals for a few artists, traveled a little locally. i want to get into it more, but i'm looking for the best possible outlet to it. i don't want to throw myself into the mix without the right "tools," so to speak. i only did a little vocal coaching when i was 15, and my voice has changed drastically since childhood (obviously)...for one, it's got more rasp. second, i'm not a full soprano like i was at that age. i'm definitely more of a contralto than anything else. i can hit some high notes, but i can't stay up there too long. i like to be able to color the songs i sing, so having the flexibility to go up or down really does help.
i love the technical aspect of singing. the correct breathing and form, tuning your ear, listening to different instruments and their chords to try to apply their riffs to your own vocality. i love all of it. i listen to a lot of music with bass riffs and acoustic guitar accompaniment...organ chords are awesome, too.
so yeah. i was a late bloomer with music. i've always loved a good heel (been wearing heels since i was young - CHURCH, lol), but was usually running outside or at basketball practice for my early years. :)
day eighteen: if you could have a conversation with yourself in high school, what would you say?
chill OUT.
go to a school that will give you a full ride for undergrad, rather than one that will rack up your student loan debt. that way for grad school, you won't have as much to worry about.
don't date. ever. well, at least until you're 25 and stable enough to think about a solid relationship.
don't start drinking. you won't stop, lol.
choose great. (unpack the phrase)
study...develop your work ethic early. you won't get that far just being smart if you don't know how to apply it.
go to a school that will give you a full ride for undergrad, rather than one that will rack up your student loan debt. that way for grad school, you won't have as much to worry about.
don't date. ever. well, at least until you're 25 and stable enough to think about a solid relationship.
don't start drinking. you won't stop, lol.
choose great. (unpack the phrase)
study...develop your work ethic early. you won't get that far just being smart if you don't know how to apply it.
day seventeen: what are your spiritual beliefs and how do they impact your relationships/relationship status?
i believe in God. i am a Christian. i believe in the principles stated in the Bible. however, i am more spiritual than religious. i don't attend church regularly, but i do love God and want Him to be happy with me.
that being said, i care that my mate is Christian, believes in God, has a personal relationship with God, and seeks to make God happy in all he does.
i haven't really run into any problems with this. every guy i've dated has been Christian by denomination/belief system. i haven't had to compromise my belief system or be "open minded" about other religions or cultures in my dating life. but i also haven't had many boyfriends. i've dated a lot of guys, but didn't always commit to them.
that being said, i care that my mate is Christian, believes in God, has a personal relationship with God, and seeks to make God happy in all he does.
i haven't really run into any problems with this. every guy i've dated has been Christian by denomination/belief system. i haven't had to compromise my belief system or be "open minded" about other religions or cultures in my dating life. but i also haven't had many boyfriends. i've dated a lot of guys, but didn't always commit to them.
day sixteen: if you planted a time capsule right now of your life to be opened in 20 years, what would be in it?
i would probably put in my work ID badge, my "world's best boss" mug (the office), and a bottle of wine. cabernet sauvignon or merlot.
tried to think of something that would identify me, something that reminds me of something i love, and something that would taste good with age. :)
tried to think of something that would identify me, something that reminds me of something i love, and something that would taste good with age. :)
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
day fifteen: narrate a conversation between you and someone in your life who you never had closure with (a friend, an ex, a family member, etc). what would you say? what would they say? what outcome would you hope for?
a: hey...how are things on your end? i know it's been a while since we've talked, but i've wanted to check on you for a while.
b: things are cool. lots of working and adjusting my lifestyle.
a: that's understandable. i really do miss our friendship.
b: i do too. what happened? we used to be very close, hanging out all the time and palling around.
a: life happened, i guess. i know i said a few things that weren't flattering, and i caught wind of things that you said as well...so i guess we were both pissed at the same time. what do you think happened?
b: about the same thing. sometimes i wish things hadn't happened that way. you were always a great friend.
a: me too. i know everything happens for a reason, but i wish this didn't happen. i know you're not really in a position to be the same friend you were back then...and that's also what upsets me. the timing's wrong, and it almost feels awkward because i've known you for way longer than what's happening, but what's happening is way more important than how long i've known you.
b: that makes sense (laughs)...but please understand, i love you and i'm glad we were able to officially put this behind us.
a: i love you too! and i wish you the best in everything...if you ever need anything or if you think i can help with something, don't hesitate to reach out.
b: that's a bet. and the same for you. i'll always just be a call away.
:)
b: things are cool. lots of working and adjusting my lifestyle.
a: that's understandable. i really do miss our friendship.
b: i do too. what happened? we used to be very close, hanging out all the time and palling around.
a: life happened, i guess. i know i said a few things that weren't flattering, and i caught wind of things that you said as well...so i guess we were both pissed at the same time. what do you think happened?
b: about the same thing. sometimes i wish things hadn't happened that way. you were always a great friend.
a: me too. i know everything happens for a reason, but i wish this didn't happen. i know you're not really in a position to be the same friend you were back then...and that's also what upsets me. the timing's wrong, and it almost feels awkward because i've known you for way longer than what's happening, but what's happening is way more important than how long i've known you.
b: that makes sense (laughs)...but please understand, i love you and i'm glad we were able to officially put this behind us.
a: i love you too! and i wish you the best in everything...if you ever need anything or if you think i can help with something, don't hesitate to reach out.
b: that's a bet. and the same for you. i'll always just be a call away.
:)
day fourteen: describe the last moment you felt really, truly blissful
really, truly blissful...
honestly, and this probably sounds pessimistic, but i can't remember the last time. there's always something that's not quite where i want it to be. happiness isn't a feeling for me, it's something you come to...like a deduction or conclusion. mine would be: i have this, and do this, and have accomplished this, so therefore, i am happy.
right now, filling in the blanks is difficult. i guess i'm more of a logic-oriented person, than i am emotionally charged. missing balance, you could say...
my memory isn't great either...i suppress certain memories, and it's typically easier for me to remember crazy mess than it is to remember isolated "happy" moments. but i can say it's been a while that i've been really, truly blissful.
...and that's a problem!
honestly, and this probably sounds pessimistic, but i can't remember the last time. there's always something that's not quite where i want it to be. happiness isn't a feeling for me, it's something you come to...like a deduction or conclusion. mine would be: i have this, and do this, and have accomplished this, so therefore, i am happy.
right now, filling in the blanks is difficult. i guess i'm more of a logic-oriented person, than i am emotionally charged. missing balance, you could say...
my memory isn't great either...i suppress certain memories, and it's typically easier for me to remember crazy mess than it is to remember isolated "happy" moments. but i can say it's been a while that i've been really, truly blissful.
...and that's a problem!
Monday, November 4, 2013
day thirteen: describe how you met the last person you texted and talk about your friendship/relationship
i met the last person i texted through birth.
it's my dad, lol.
our relationship has been tumultuous, estranged, weird, good, indifferent...i've felt too concerned, apathetic, indifferent, good, etc. about it.
this is actually a little difficult to talk about because we're still figuring things out...not because it's "emotional" or whatever. just because it's still very touch and go/undefined.
it's my dad, lol.
our relationship has been tumultuous, estranged, weird, good, indifferent...i've felt too concerned, apathetic, indifferent, good, etc. about it.
this is actually a little difficult to talk about because we're still figuring things out...not because it's "emotional" or whatever. just because it's still very touch and go/undefined.
day twelve: your proudest accomplishment
...i feel i haven't accomplished a "proudest" thing yet. i feel like it's forthcoming...like having a child (that's GOTTA be a proud moment...carrying a healthy baby for 9 months and then delivering said baby? i get excited just thinking about it), or even opening my own business...
for now, my proudest accomplishment is my job. i love my job. i love its possibilities and the amount of experience i'm getting just by having it. i'm proud to do what i do, and i'm grateful for the opportunity to move up in the company.
for now, my proudest accomplishment is my job. i love my job. i love its possibilities and the amount of experience i'm getting just by having it. i'm proud to do what i do, and i'm grateful for the opportunity to move up in the company.
day eleven: your worst/funniest/most embarrassing date
i learned at a very young age that i had standards. my first real boyfriend always paid, always drove, always came to my basketball games...until 2 months later when he stopped. lol. but prior to him, there was a guy nicknamed peewee.
worst. date. ever.
he was supposed to be at my house at 2 pm. he didn't show until 5 pm.
he wasn't dressed appropriately - had on sweats and a t-shirt. needless to say, i was blown. i looked cute.
originally, we were supposed to go to the movies and then grab something to eat, but he didn't know what he wanted to see, and said he was "low on funds".
red flag.
we end up at mcdonalds (whack), when he says "i don't have enough money for both of us." i said "don't worry about me, i have my own money." he says, "well, i don't have enough money for myself."
so i said "well i guess you don't have enough appetite to eat, either, because i'm not paying for you." and i sat there and ate while he didn't. and he took me home immediately after, and i never spoke to him again.
i was 16, he was 18. nothing even remotely similar to that ever happened again. lol.
worst. date. ever.
he was supposed to be at my house at 2 pm. he didn't show until 5 pm.
he wasn't dressed appropriately - had on sweats and a t-shirt. needless to say, i was blown. i looked cute.
originally, we were supposed to go to the movies and then grab something to eat, but he didn't know what he wanted to see, and said he was "low on funds".
red flag.
we end up at mcdonalds (whack), when he says "i don't have enough money for both of us." i said "don't worry about me, i have my own money." he says, "well, i don't have enough money for myself."
so i said "well i guess you don't have enough appetite to eat, either, because i'm not paying for you." and i sat there and ate while he didn't. and he took me home immediately after, and i never spoke to him again.
i was 16, he was 18. nothing even remotely similar to that ever happened again. lol.
day ten: google the meaning of your name and talk about how it fits or doesn’t fit you
okay, so instead of typing an extra paragraph, i've added my "thoughts" within the given text, in orange. :)
You are a law unto itself. Your tendency is to finish whatever you start. You are tolerant (of lifestyles and other peoples' choices, yes - but of BS? no.) and like to help humanity (love helping people, but sometimes i need help too). You are very active. You are generally warmhearted and give freely of your time, energy, and sympathetic understanding (nail on the head!). You have tolerance and acceptance of the frailties of others. Universal and humanitarian in outlook. This is a very compassionate name. You are frank, methodical and believe in law, system and order. (all spot on. i am very compassionate and i tend to give people a lot of chances...i don't think i've ever completely cut someone off...)
Creative and outgoing, you are always looking for an opportunity to show your abilities, especially before audience (definitely creative & outgoing, but i'm not always looking for ways to show that to others...my creativity is more intimate than for everyone). You are very flexible and like to feel appreciated (agreed, again). You are looking for chances to mix with others socially and to communicate your ideas. You like to talk and can easily relate to different cultures and concepts. The biggest challenge for you is uncertainty (surprisingly true...i'm certain about some things, but i question myself regularly and doubt myself even more). Easily getting bored, you can move from one job to another, switch projects and lovers (welp...peeped my cards). The high creative force can lead you either to happiness or unhappiness. If you understand your goals, if you can make major decisions in life and follow it directly and straight up without worry and uncertainty, you are able to achieve great heights.
another site says it means "little ruler" or "little grand one".
a lot of sites i've seen all say the same things about my name. the meaning is also very consistent with my zodiac sign (leo), as well...very interesting stuff.
You are a law unto itself. Your tendency is to finish whatever you start. You are tolerant (of lifestyles and other peoples' choices, yes - but of BS? no.) and like to help humanity (love helping people, but sometimes i need help too). You are very active. You are generally warmhearted and give freely of your time, energy, and sympathetic understanding (nail on the head!). You have tolerance and acceptance of the frailties of others. Universal and humanitarian in outlook. This is a very compassionate name. You are frank, methodical and believe in law, system and order. (all spot on. i am very compassionate and i tend to give people a lot of chances...i don't think i've ever completely cut someone off...)
another site says it means "little ruler" or "little grand one".
a lot of sites i've seen all say the same things about my name. the meaning is also very consistent with my zodiac sign (leo), as well...very interesting stuff.
day nine: your favorite “weird/funny single behavior” – anything you do that is uniquely YOU and that living alone allows you to do
my favorite weird/funny single behavior is DEFINITELY...
listening to music, and then recording myself singing the songs i listen to.
i'm very shy in intimate settings. i'm usually okay if i have to sing in front of a bigger crowd because it's easy to block them out. but a small group is usually more critical...and for me, it's a more emotional experience.
i also enjoy dancing to youtube videos...which does not require an audience, either. :)
listening to music, and then recording myself singing the songs i listen to.
i'm very shy in intimate settings. i'm usually okay if i have to sing in front of a bigger crowd because it's easy to block them out. but a small group is usually more critical...and for me, it's a more emotional experience.
i also enjoy dancing to youtube videos...which does not require an audience, either. :)
day eight: five things that are most important to you in a future mate
i have a long list of things that are important to me in a future mate...and i'm horrible at prioritizing this list. *shrugs* but here are the first 5 that come to mind:
1. honesty/accountability - plain and simple, tell the truth. if you're going to let me in on anything, it needs to be the full truth or i'd rather not know. also, if you don't work and don't pay bills, i can't trust you. mainly because there's not one adult without a bill of some sort...so if you're not accountable for or to something, it makes me question your motives and intentions, generally. *side eye*
2. stability/independence - have your own, make your own. if you want to date and you don't work, your priorities aren't in order. i don't believe any adult should be concerned with being in a relationship if they have nothing to offer the other person. like, and i'm gonna be a little biased right now, but as a woman, i want to be with a man who provides consistently for himself, has provision (i.e. a savings account with money in it), and lives comfortably. when i say comfortably, i just mean you should be able to go out for drinks/out to dinner with friends if you feel like it, or take a couple days off work to go on an extended weekend vacation every so often. i'm not balling by any means, but if i want to pick up and go somewhere, i can; if i feel like having a drink after work, i can do that too.
3. family-oriented - very important to me, as i do want children. and when you get married, you and your mate are a family. so basically, have an idea of how to operate in a household with other people, and care about others' feelings; want to spend time with people who are close to you.
4. well traveled/wants to travel more - there's a different presence about a man who has traveled. he's not regional, he's more open minded, and more adventurous. he's experienced, and typically knowledgeable about and aware of other cultures. all good things.
5. friendly/great sense of humor - is charismatic, can relate to different people, speaks well, can make people laugh...but is not overbearing or loud. good balance of humor.
i'm actually way better at forming a list of things i don't want, but this short list suffices.
1. honesty/accountability - plain and simple, tell the truth. if you're going to let me in on anything, it needs to be the full truth or i'd rather not know. also, if you don't work and don't pay bills, i can't trust you. mainly because there's not one adult without a bill of some sort...so if you're not accountable for or to something, it makes me question your motives and intentions, generally. *side eye*
2. stability/independence - have your own, make your own. if you want to date and you don't work, your priorities aren't in order. i don't believe any adult should be concerned with being in a relationship if they have nothing to offer the other person. like, and i'm gonna be a little biased right now, but as a woman, i want to be with a man who provides consistently for himself, has provision (i.e. a savings account with money in it), and lives comfortably. when i say comfortably, i just mean you should be able to go out for drinks/out to dinner with friends if you feel like it, or take a couple days off work to go on an extended weekend vacation every so often. i'm not balling by any means, but if i want to pick up and go somewhere, i can; if i feel like having a drink after work, i can do that too.
3. family-oriented - very important to me, as i do want children. and when you get married, you and your mate are a family. so basically, have an idea of how to operate in a household with other people, and care about others' feelings; want to spend time with people who are close to you.
4. well traveled/wants to travel more - there's a different presence about a man who has traveled. he's not regional, he's more open minded, and more adventurous. he's experienced, and typically knowledgeable about and aware of other cultures. all good things.
5. friendly/great sense of humor - is charismatic, can relate to different people, speaks well, can make people laugh...but is not overbearing or loud. good balance of humor.
i'm actually way better at forming a list of things i don't want, but this short list suffices.
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
day seven: where you are in your life vs. where you thought you would be at this point
...this plagues me daily!
i thought, for SURE, i'd be married with 2 kids by now. owning a home, with a couple of dogs, cool neighbors, etc. the "family" life.
i am currently single, with no kids...and no dogs. however, i am working my dream job and loving every minute of it! funny how, as a kid, i planned my family life but left no room to develop a career. i said i wanted to make good money (i currently do), but i didn't really go into much detail about where i wanted to work, how i was going to make this "good money" i spoke of, what steps i would take to get this job, etc. really strange, now that i think about it...
i never dreamed that i'd work for a company as amazing as the one i work for. of course, every company has its flaws, but the best thing about this one is it invests in its employees. we are able to participate in a stock purchase plan, so essentially, we own a portion of the company...meaning we have a vested interest in how well the company does. which, in turn, means we work very hard to achieve maximum/best results. everyone works very hard. we work very long hours. we travel. we lose sleep. we work from home. we work when we're sick, because things have to get done. a company that invests in its employees never has to worry about the quality of the work its employees do. i firmly believe that, because i am giving everything i have to make sure my job is done accurately so that clients and employees are happy with what i've provided. i am grateful for my job, i love it, and i am looking forward to many more years with this company.
that being said...it is a bit of a challenge to start and cultivate a relationship. it would be difficult to date someone who is unhappy with their job, or does not have a busy schedule. there tends to be a lack of understanding...i'm goo-goo over my job, but it does take a lot out of me, and i spend a lot of time (even free time) doing it. it would be nice to meet someone who is ambitious and is working towards promotion, etc...because if we don't see each other everyday and we have to plan dates, etc, there's more understanding and a lot more flexibility if we're on the same page/in the same boat.
so - i want to date someone who currently works crazy hours and is investing in creating a dream career, so i don't feel bad about not having a bunch of free time to just chill/hang out. or when we do hang out, he understands that i might answer e-mails or my work phone (because he might be doing the same).
i am in a great position career-wise. i am in a pickle relationship-wise. lol. :)
i thought, for SURE, i'd be married with 2 kids by now. owning a home, with a couple of dogs, cool neighbors, etc. the "family" life.
i am currently single, with no kids...and no dogs. however, i am working my dream job and loving every minute of it! funny how, as a kid, i planned my family life but left no room to develop a career. i said i wanted to make good money (i currently do), but i didn't really go into much detail about where i wanted to work, how i was going to make this "good money" i spoke of, what steps i would take to get this job, etc. really strange, now that i think about it...
i never dreamed that i'd work for a company as amazing as the one i work for. of course, every company has its flaws, but the best thing about this one is it invests in its employees. we are able to participate in a stock purchase plan, so essentially, we own a portion of the company...meaning we have a vested interest in how well the company does. which, in turn, means we work very hard to achieve maximum/best results. everyone works very hard. we work very long hours. we travel. we lose sleep. we work from home. we work when we're sick, because things have to get done. a company that invests in its employees never has to worry about the quality of the work its employees do. i firmly believe that, because i am giving everything i have to make sure my job is done accurately so that clients and employees are happy with what i've provided. i am grateful for my job, i love it, and i am looking forward to many more years with this company.
that being said...it is a bit of a challenge to start and cultivate a relationship. it would be difficult to date someone who is unhappy with their job, or does not have a busy schedule. there tends to be a lack of understanding...i'm goo-goo over my job, but it does take a lot out of me, and i spend a lot of time (even free time) doing it. it would be nice to meet someone who is ambitious and is working towards promotion, etc...because if we don't see each other everyday and we have to plan dates, etc, there's more understanding and a lot more flexibility if we're on the same page/in the same boat.
so - i want to date someone who currently works crazy hours and is investing in creating a dream career, so i don't feel bad about not having a bunch of free time to just chill/hang out. or when we do hang out, he understands that i might answer e-mails or my work phone (because he might be doing the same).
i am in a great position career-wise. i am in a pickle relationship-wise. lol. :)
Monday, October 28, 2013
day six: sound off on the quote “every woman has the exact love life she wants”
sounding off...
it's probably an accurate statement. i question whether or not i actually want to be in a relationship at times. sometimes i'm a little flaky. i'm not great at keeping in touch, and when i get annoyed, i just stop communicating. it doesn't take much to annoy me, either. i try to explain myself and work through problems with people, but after a certain point, i'm just like forget it, and i shut it down.
i wish there was more love in my life (from a significant other), but i probably need to open myself up a bit more and be patient with people to allow that to happen. everyone has love to give - but i need to start accepting it.
blah blah blah. while it's an accurate statement, i still don't like it.
it's probably an accurate statement. i question whether or not i actually want to be in a relationship at times. sometimes i'm a little flaky. i'm not great at keeping in touch, and when i get annoyed, i just stop communicating. it doesn't take much to annoy me, either. i try to explain myself and work through problems with people, but after a certain point, i'm just like forget it, and i shut it down.
i wish there was more love in my life (from a significant other), but i probably need to open myself up a bit more and be patient with people to allow that to happen. everyone has love to give - but i need to start accepting it.
blah blah blah. while it's an accurate statement, i still don't like it.
Sunday, October 27, 2013
day five: the biggest misconception you think people have about single life
...would be that it is footloose and fancy-free.
it is NOT. there is NO backup plan when you're single. you have to plan by yourself to succeed by yourself. that means i have to pay all my bills alone, i have to save alone, any money i spend is MINE, not shared with someone else.
it can be lonely at times. it's great to come home to a quiet house, but sometimes i wish i came home to a quiet husband, lol. someone who just wanted to cuddle and watch movies and chill out...maybe talk about our days...but there's no talking when i come home. just quiet night with a loud TV and usually some type of red wine.
it is NOT. there is NO backup plan when you're single. you have to plan by yourself to succeed by yourself. that means i have to pay all my bills alone, i have to save alone, any money i spend is MINE, not shared with someone else.
it can be lonely at times. it's great to come home to a quiet house, but sometimes i wish i came home to a quiet husband, lol. someone who just wanted to cuddle and watch movies and chill out...maybe talk about our days...but there's no talking when i come home. just quiet night with a loud TV and usually some type of red wine.
day four: your biggest fear as a single person
...would have to be "being single permanently" or missing the healthy range of childbearing years, and not be able to have children.
okay, so this is kinda starting to get depressing...this is a real fear for me, and i honestly feel sometimes that i'm not going to meet the "man of my dreams". i sometimes think my standards are too specific, but then i realize, i'm particular about more than men...so it's normal for me to have preferences. i have preferences for myself and i know what i can offer and i won't settle for less.
...which scares me. because i don't know if i'm playing russian roulette about this. sure, i go on dates and find men attractive, but enough to commit?
attraction goes past the physical. i really want a well traveled man who is happy with his current job/career, is independent, is God-fearing and family-oriented. the reason i don't think this is excessive is because it describes me right now. i want an equal. not someone i have to bring up to speed or accept "as is". granted, i KNOW there are things about myself that need work. that's why i'm trying to eat more healthy and live a more balanced lifestyle. a bunch of good qualities mean nothing if your body isn't healthy. looks aren't everything, but a pretty smile and clear complexion helps. i really don't think that's asking too much.
...and then sometimes i think it's too specific. but then if i'm not specific, i'm settling. it's a crazy world.
okay, so this is kinda starting to get depressing...this is a real fear for me, and i honestly feel sometimes that i'm not going to meet the "man of my dreams". i sometimes think my standards are too specific, but then i realize, i'm particular about more than men...so it's normal for me to have preferences. i have preferences for myself and i know what i can offer and i won't settle for less.
...which scares me. because i don't know if i'm playing russian roulette about this. sure, i go on dates and find men attractive, but enough to commit?
attraction goes past the physical. i really want a well traveled man who is happy with his current job/career, is independent, is God-fearing and family-oriented. the reason i don't think this is excessive is because it describes me right now. i want an equal. not someone i have to bring up to speed or accept "as is". granted, i KNOW there are things about myself that need work. that's why i'm trying to eat more healthy and live a more balanced lifestyle. a bunch of good qualities mean nothing if your body isn't healthy. looks aren't everything, but a pretty smile and clear complexion helps. i really don't think that's asking too much.
...and then sometimes i think it's too specific. but then if i'm not specific, i'm settling. it's a crazy world.
Friday, October 25, 2013
day three: describe a moment or a day when being single was really awesome
a moment when being single was really awesome...
...almost everyday when i wake up and don't have to get kids or a significant other ready for work/school. i'm still not a morning person, at 27. i love staying up late, relaxing, watching TV...but i always pay for it when i have to work the next day.
but more specifically, i'm going to orlando tomorrow for work. and it's awesome being single right now because there should be some type of eye-candy (if i get a chance to scope any out) in the area. i have no attachments, i owe no explanations, and i can collect a number or two if the opportunity presents itself.
boo. yow.
...almost everyday when i wake up and don't have to get kids or a significant other ready for work/school. i'm still not a morning person, at 27. i love staying up late, relaxing, watching TV...but i always pay for it when i have to work the next day.
but more specifically, i'm going to orlando tomorrow for work. and it's awesome being single right now because there should be some type of eye-candy (if i get a chance to scope any out) in the area. i have no attachments, i owe no explanations, and i can collect a number or two if the opportunity presents itself.
boo. yow.
Thursday, October 24, 2013
day two: describe a moment or a day when being single really sucked
a moment when being single really sucked...
my job has lots of cool off site events that allow you a +1 spot. the past couple of events, i've either gone stag or brought my mom.
meanwhile, all my coworkers are at least 15 years older than me, and are married. *kicks dirt* i love my mom, but i'd like my +1 to AT LEAST be a boyfriend on occasion. i have a lot of male friends, but (sorry guys) i don't want to bring a bunch of random dudes to work outings...too much speculation. my mom is safe, lol. people know she's my mom; we look alike. if i bring one guy to something this month, and then a different guy next month.......well, i feel i'd look promiscuous (lol).
for the most part, being single isn't so bad. in moments like these, or when i see people in productive relationships getting engaged or married, or having kids...i'm like "wow, that's awesome!" but i kick dirt like come ON! can it be me soon? sheesh...
my job has lots of cool off site events that allow you a +1 spot. the past couple of events, i've either gone stag or brought my mom.
meanwhile, all my coworkers are at least 15 years older than me, and are married. *kicks dirt* i love my mom, but i'd like my +1 to AT LEAST be a boyfriend on occasion. i have a lot of male friends, but (sorry guys) i don't want to bring a bunch of random dudes to work outings...too much speculation. my mom is safe, lol. people know she's my mom; we look alike. if i bring one guy to something this month, and then a different guy next month.......well, i feel i'd look promiscuous (lol).
for the most part, being single isn't so bad. in moments like these, or when i see people in productive relationships getting engaged or married, or having kids...i'm like "wow, that's awesome!" but i kick dirt like come ON! can it be me soon? sheesh...
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
day one: your response to everyone’s favorite question: “and why are YOU still single?”
i absolutely hate this question, passionately. my response to this is usually "because i haven't met a person who i want to share time and space with on a consistent basis, yet."
i usually get asked this question by men i'm meeting for the first time, who are seeing the qualities they would desire in a mate. what they don't see are my expectations. in the past year and a half that i've been single, i've dated about a dozen men, never fully committing to one, always accepting applications.
so i think the reason i'm still single is because i haven't been willing to fully commit to one person, because i think i'll miss out on someone better.
i usually get asked this question by men i'm meeting for the first time, who are seeing the qualities they would desire in a mate. what they don't see are my expectations. in the past year and a half that i've been single, i've dated about a dozen men, never fully committing to one, always accepting applications.
so i think the reason i'm still single is because i haven't been willing to fully commit to one person, because i think i'll miss out on someone better.
rules of engagement
i decided to take part in a blogging challenge, not just to stimulate my creativity and write more regularly, but also to look intrinsically at myself, as a single woman. if you want to read the creator's posts, you should swing by The Single Woman and take a look! really powerful, motivational entries that are helpful everyday!
The Single Woman’s 30-Day Blogging Challenge
The Single Woman’s 30-Day Blogging Challenge
1) Your response to everyone’s favorite question: “And why are YOU still single?”
2) Describe a moment or a day when being single really sucked.
3) Describe a moment or a day when being single was really awesome.
4) Your biggest fear as a single person.
5) The biggest misconception you think people have about single life
6) Sound off on the quote “Every woman has the exact love life she wants”
7) Where you are in your life vs. where you thought you would be at this point
8) Five things that are most important to you in a future mate
9) Your favorite “weird/funny single behavior” – Anything you do that is uniquely YOU and that living alone allows you to do (For example, I sometimes dance around the house with my cat to Frank Sinatra)
10) Google the meaning of your name and talk about how it fits or doesn’t fit you
11) Your worst/funniest/most embarrassing date
12) Your proudest accomplishment
13) Describe how you met the last person you texted and talk about your friendship/relationship
14) Describe the last moment you felt really, truly blissful
15) Narrate a conversation between you and someone in your life who you never had closure with (a friend, an ex, a family member, etc.) What would you say? What would they say? What outcome would you hope for?
16) If you planted a time capsule right now of your life to be opened in 20 years, what would be in it?
17) What are your spiritual beliefs and how do they impact your relationships/relationship status?
18) If you could have a conversation with yourself in high school , what would you say?
19) What is something about you that people would be surprised to learn?
20) Describe your most difficult breakup and what you learned from it
21) How would you pitch a reality show about yourself? To what network?
22) What fictional character in a movie, tv show, or book do you identify with and why?
23) Talk about a moment when you got annoyed with a married friend, a person in a relationship, or a person with kids (Be honest! No judgment!)
24) If you could relive ONE day of your life, what would it be? And would you change anything?
25) Describe a moment when you “paid it forward.” What happened and how did it feel?
26) Name a song that makes you cry every time you hear it and why
27) Talk about something that you really, really, really love about yourself.
28) Describe a moment when you made a big, bold move. In any area of life: Career , Love, etc.
29) Who is your closest or most special friend that you’ve never met and what do they mean to you? How did you cross paths? Talk about how you “met” them: Facebook, Twitter, anonline support group, etc.
30) Write a letter to your future mate saying whatever you want to say
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